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from Tharle Nan Maga featuring Phoren Bikshaka! and Stingy Father!

Song by Kashinath! This is great!! Navaratri olage yella nadiyabeku!

V-Day 2009 passed in a blur of Hindutva goons assaulting “loose” women, cries to “Pub Bharo” and a shit-load of Pink chaddi’s being mailed to Mr. Pramod Mutha-Ass-lik. Biharis being chased out of Bombay by Thackeray, Hindutva goons burning churches and beating women in Mangalore. And did you hear about the two peanuts that went into a pub? One of them was a-salted!!

These were events that my generation never thought would come to fruition while growing up in the 80’s.

Barring the riots in New Delhi after Indira Gandhi’s assasination, all I remember from the 80’s are the great efforts by Doordarshan to promote National Integration with ad campaigns like “Mile Sur Mera Tumhara”, the ad with all the famous sports-persons running around various parts of India passing a torch on to each other, the famous “Ek Chidiya” cartoon, the Spirit of Unity concerts that would come on every Sunday morning around 11am and all the other commercial advertisements for “Hamara Bajaj”, “Maggi Noodles” and a bunch of others.

I remember singing “Mile Sur Mera Tumhara” with my friends on the 1-hr school-bus ride to school. And all the kids on the bus were a good representation of all the cultures in India. We had gujju kids, Gulti kids, lil Diga’s, lil Kaats(me), Punjabi kids, marathi kids, dingo kids, slightly retarded kids, kids of famous celebs and we all got along just fine. Our respective religions, languages etc NEVER came into play.

And as we grew up, Bangalore grew too. We grew up going to pubs with the girls, and I dont ever remember the girls ever acting “indecently”. We were just having a good time, sharing memories and forging new multi-cultural friendships and bonds. Discovering ourselves, in short.

It hurts me deeply when I think of the “divide and conquer” policies local politicians and goons are using to capture vote-banks. I thought we changed Bangalore to bengaluru to rid ourselves of the British Stigma( though I still feel, bad or not, they were as important a part of our history, as the Mughals, the Chalukyas, the Kempe-Gowda’s and the Aryans, and therefore their contributions cannot be erased by a mere name change). But apprently, while our politicians dont want to acknowledge their infrastructure and educational contributions, they seem to love whupping out the administratory policies the British used to lord it over us for 200 years, and use it in new ways to whip up inflammatory anti-communal sentiments.

And Nisha Susan, Pink Chaddi’s? Seriously, is that the best you could come up with? Has anyone thought of free Muay-Thai lessons?

Enjoy:

Economics meets Engineering

Economics meets Engineering

I was having my weekly conversation with a lil birdie who works on contract for an office furniture company near Dallas. It is incidentally, owned by my previous employers. Now, most desis that have been around in the States for a while, know that Texas could be considered a little redneck. Texas brings to mind – Boots, Large Hats, Large egos, and Gay cowboys..in that order.

So, the lil birdie is rambling on and on about how his white supervisors are cracking the whip on other white and black employees who until now, refused to work weekends. The new rule here: work weekends or dont work at all.

Nice. I like it. I’m sure millions of desis who drag their brown asses out of bed every Saturday morning for work or school are cheering and going “Whup Whup!”.

Back to the story. Sorry, I digress..A LOT! My other buddy P, is now pretty high up in the Operations circle, was recently made Lean Lead there. Pretty good for a 27 yr old, considering average age of management at that level is 50+. I asked lil birdie how he knew. Very matter of factly – “I saw him wearing a White Shirt with “company” logo. That got me confused a bit. Then he went on to explain that, at “V”, only the leadership team gets to wear White shirts (Doodh ki safedi, Nirmaaa se Aaayi!) with embroidered company logos. Everyone else beneath them, wears regular “color dress”. So, if you ever see a guy/gal in colors, when previously seen wearing white, you know they’ve been demoted. Visual reality and humility check.

Now considering the racist struggles at America over the generations, when whites reigned supreme, blacks had to fight for their freedom, and now it is the turn of latino, asians and other minorities to slowly be taken seriously..you can see the kind of image “S” is sending out..

“If you’re White, you in power; if colored, get in line at the back of the bus”.

Pretty shockingly racist! I hope HR at V/S is reading this.

Don't work more for less, or you will eat dead cat!

Don't work more for less, or you will eat dead cat!

With the number of horrendous and gruesome traffic related accidents in the city rising up faster than my penis in China-town, Bengalurean pedestrians are treated to a visual feast of injuries and deaths. Every accident/injury/death always attracts on-lookers and bystanders with the occasional good samaritan. They can be categorized as follows:

Good Samaritan (Olle Manushya) – extremely rare, on the endangered species list.

If an accident victim is fortunate enough to have a good smaritan at the site, he can rest assured that every effort will be made to hail the nearest auto to take him to a hospital. If he has extremely good relations with Ganesha, and committed no sins whatsoever in his previous incarnation, he might even be fortunate enough to be transported by ambulance to Mallya Hospital ER. Good Samaritans usually know a lawyer or two, and are confident they will not be booked by Constable Kempayya as the cause of the accident.

Medical Examination Fail Candidate (Eh, neenu Doctor exam fail alwa?). Quite abundant.

This species will usually try and perform some sort of first aid to the victim before mysteriously vanishing at the sounds of sirens, screeching tires of helpful Auto-Drivers and the arrival of Constable Kempayya. This species usually has no friends in the legal professions and do not want to get embroiled in the legalities that always follow an accident victim.

Brow-Beater (Ayyo..Nanannu Bittu Hogidyalwaaa!!)

This species is usually female, has large breasts and big, strong hands to beat their chests and wail louder than fire-engines. They usually arrive on the scene after the accident victim has passed on, but sometimes also before. In this case, their wailing and chest-beating is enough to make the accident victim want to willfully leave the earth before recieving medical attention.

Curious Kempanna (Saar, yenaithu? Accident-aah?). Extremely abundant.

Saar! Spot-death-aah?

Saar! Spot-death-aah?

Apart from Olle Manushya, Medical exam fail and Brow-beater, the rest of the on-looking and by-standing crowd falls into the Curious Kempanna category. they trickle in one-by-one and with extreme wonder and child-eyed innocence, will gaze at the spilled intestines, crushed heads, broken shards of glass, twisted metal, broken bones, knees etc and then quietly tap the Kempanna to his left, and ask – “Saar, spot death-aah?”. Nothing like a Spot Death to spice up his otherwise boring, routine, mundane day!

Constable Kempayya

When the last fragments of hope for the accident victim are about to be snuffed out like Elton John’s candle in the wind, when Medical Exam Fail, Brow-Beater, Olle Manushya and Curious Kempanna have come and gone, when the clouds part and a ray of light beams down to welcome heaven’s latest occupant, Constable Kempayya arrives on the scene; swirling his lathi, twirling his mustache, and looking for some innocent bystander to book under IPC (Indian Penal Code) 420, Section 2, Article 3a so he can file his report and get on home to Mrs. Kempayya.