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With the number of horrendous and gruesome traffic related accidents in the city rising up faster than my penis in China-town, Bengalurean pedestrians are treated to a visual feast of injuries and deaths. Every accident/injury/death always attracts on-lookers and bystanders with the occasional good samaritan. They can be categorized as follows:

Good Samaritan (Olle Manushya) – extremely rare, on the endangered species list.

If an accident victim is fortunate enough to have a good smaritan at the site, he can rest assured that every effort will be made to hail the nearest auto to take him to a hospital. If he has extremely good relations with Ganesha, and committed no sins whatsoever in his previous incarnation, he might even be fortunate enough to be transported by ambulance to Mallya Hospital ER. Good Samaritans usually know a lawyer or two, and are confident they will not be booked by Constable Kempayya as the cause of the accident.

Medical Examination Fail Candidate (Eh, neenu Doctor exam fail alwa?). Quite abundant.

This species will usually try and perform some sort of first aid to the victim before mysteriously vanishing at the sounds of sirens, screeching tires of helpful Auto-Drivers and the arrival of Constable Kempayya. This species usually has no friends in the legal professions and do not want to get embroiled in the legalities that always follow an accident victim.

Brow-Beater (Ayyo..Nanannu Bittu Hogidyalwaaa!!)

This species is usually female, has large breasts and big, strong hands to beat their chests and wail louder than fire-engines. They usually arrive on the scene after the accident victim has passed on, but sometimes also before. In this case, their wailing and chest-beating is enough to make the accident victim want to willfully leave the earth before recieving medical attention.

Curious Kempanna (Saar, yenaithu? Accident-aah?). Extremely abundant.

Saar! Spot-death-aah?

Saar! Spot-death-aah?

Apart from Olle Manushya, Medical exam fail and Brow-beater, the rest of the on-looking and by-standing crowd falls into the Curious Kempanna category. they trickle in one-by-one and with extreme wonder and child-eyed innocence, will gaze at the spilled intestines, crushed heads, broken shards of glass, twisted metal, broken bones, knees etc and then quietly tap the Kempanna to his left, and ask – “Saar, spot death-aah?”. Nothing like a Spot Death to spice up his otherwise boring, routine, mundane day!

Constable Kempayya

When the last fragments of hope for the accident victim are about to be snuffed out like Elton John’s candle in the wind, when Medical Exam Fail, Brow-Beater, Olle Manushya and Curious Kempanna have come and gone, when the clouds part and a ray of light beams down to welcome heaven’s latest occupant, Constable Kempayya arrives on the scene; swirling his lathi, twirling his mustache, and looking for some innocent bystander to book under IPC (Indian Penal Code) 420, Section 2, Article 3a so he can file his report and get on home to Mrs. Kempayya.


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